No matter what.

I had asked for memories for Christmas in 2013. So, my daughter, Amy, who listens really well and took my request to heart, bought us tickets to see “Beautiful” the musical about Carole King, her music and life story. During the days before we were to see the show, I listened to my collection of Carole King music on my iTunes. Hearing the songs made me even more excited to see the performances and hear the music.

I purposefully did not read anything about the show and its format. I like to be surprised and open to whatever is in front of me. There are no preconceived ideas or expectations that way and I can decide for myself what I think about a show. I didn’t realize how prolific Carole King was as a songwriter. I knew in the back of my mind that she had written songs for other people but didn’t know that was how she began her career. I was delighted to hear so many familiar, fun, popular songs that she co-wrote with her then husband.

This post isn’t really about Carole King and the musical. It’s about what I learned and felt while I was watching the show. As I listened to the music and the words, I was pulled back to when I was a teenager in the 70’s. Carole King’s “Tapestry” album came out in 1971 and that album was a predominant soundtrack in my life. I could remember listening to “You’ve Got A Friend” when I was sad and lonely, I could remember listening to “Beautiful” and putting a smile on my face and I could remember listening to “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” and feeling beautiful and sexy.

As each song was played and remembered, I became increasingly emotional. Normally when this happens, I become alarmed and try and suck back the emotions and tears, however as I was standing there applauding the performers and Jessie Mueller’s performance as Carole King while wearing the very familiar purple, long, flowing dress Carole King wore as she performed “Tapestry” at Carnegie Hall, I just wept with the emotion of it all. Remembering the feelings and joy her music brought to me was overwhelming. I had missed her music and words and I didn’t even know it. On top of learning some of her life’s story through the musical I was even more in awe. Remember I said I learned something while watching this show? What I learned was that as prolific and popular as the songs she wrote were, she doubted every step of the way. But she kept working, writing, and singing. I relate to the doubt in every step. I learned I don’t want to let it stop me anymore. I want to show up and create, no matter what. With the doubt sitting next to me. No matter what.

Retracing My Steps, No. 2.
© Libby Hintz